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I have been unexpectedly afforded
much too much free time this weekend. When it came time to pack up our bags and head on home, Darius opted to stay with his Grandparents, play with cousins, and have an absolute blast. Honestly, I can't blame the kid for choosing to stay when going home meant Dad going back to work, and hanging out with Mama and Eli...really it's no contest. And have found myself with extra time - a precious thing I didn't realize I had lost - that has facilitated great bonding time with my wee little man. Eli and I headed outdoors after his immunization appointment this morning [tell me I'm not the only one extremely behind on these, simply because I hate to hear my baby cry] to go for a fresh air workout. Secure in his BabyBorjn, Eli slept on my chest as I climbed endless flights of stairs, then went for a walk in a beautiful park. Seriously good sweaty workout - and just what I needed this morning.
You see, when my sweet boy decided to stay behind, my anxiety slowly began to build, until it spiked yesterday evening. As I inhaled nibbled on coconut chocolate popcorn, and licorice babies, I realized that all I was trying to do was shove the anxiety back down with sugar, instead of working through my feelings, and resolving the anxiety. Sugar has often been my go to 'shoulder to cry on' so to speak. When something in my life has me feeling out of sorts, chocolate is a great band aid...or so I convince myself as I'm eating it, instead of savoring it.
As I walked I reflected on the night before, the panic that I felt rise in my throat as Darius' bedtime neared, and the numbness and stomach ache that my self soothing technique brought. The anxiety was still there, it was simply waiting for me to lay in bed [with no distraction insight] so it could creep back up on me.
Well, I worked through my anxiety, and then decided 'enough is enough' with my relationship with sugar. We've had a long run sugar and I, and simply this relationship is not giving me what I have been trying to get from it. I wanted comfort, pleasure, or a sweet treat [depending on the moment] - and it gave me stomach aches, sugar crashes, and excess calories. Sugar, you really are a horrible companion. [There are so many more reasons, from a health perspective, to give up my sugar habit that I will delve into in another post.]
And so, in the classic line that many teenage girls have heard at one time or another,
"Sugar, it's not me, it's you. This is just not working. I'm sorry, [not really] but we're through."
Do you have a bad habit you're ready to break?
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